I'm having so many emotions all the time right now about the fact that on this day in a month I'll be on a plane home...for good. Not just a visit for a week or two, but like, for months & months & months.
It scares the hell out of me! Seriously. What am I going to do?
This is very much unwanted stress. I wanted to stay here. Have another year with the awesome people I work with (plus my fiance) and get some more experience before throwing myself back into the working-like-crazy world of home.
Oh well. It's a no good.
Apparently this stress is helping me lose weight. I'm back at 160, i.e. lost the 3lbs from last week! THANK GOODNESS!
I've still been bad about exercising, mostly because I feel like I'm always running around doing things right now. I am walking around my town alot, so I don't feel too, too bad. But I know I should put in some more effort.
Eating wise has been whatever's around. I'm ready to eat the good food from home, yet I'm not there yet and I can't afford it. So it's been alot of fish still, but thats ok. I just need to figure out how to not get my fiance to fry it all the time.
Last week, while I was just sitting around and relaxing, I started thinking (which is typically dangerous) about things that my weight has limited me to do. Now, this is mostly just in my head, because I know I can do these things, but I feel like I will break something.
Heres my list...Things I won't do because of my Weight:
- Get into a hammock. Like all the way in, no feet on the ground.
- Eat alot in public (i.e. whatever I'd want to eat)
- Try on friends clothing (even if they are the same size as me!)
- Wear super tight/revealing clothing.
- Sit in one of those plastic chairs...I double 'em up.
- Tell people my clothing sizes.
- Or to buy me clothing for presents.
- Be tagged in my bathing suit.
I know these are weird, but its true. I think about my weight and other peoples perceptions of me alot. Just thinking of doing some of these things makes my stomach hurt and my palms sweat.
Does anyone else feel this way, ever?
This is something I really need to work on. People (numerous) have told me they think I have something wrong in my head, because I've been losing weight and I look good, yet I don't see it. I still see my flabby belly, double chin, back fat, and the list could keep going on.
I've been trying to pay less attention to these negative aspects and more to the fact that it takes time, I've come a long way on my own and yes, I may still want to lose about 35-40lbs, but I can do it, with time and the support (that I am very lucky to get) from my friends and family.
However, to turn this blog from depressing to normal, I want to talk about motivation.
I need things to motivate me. Do any of you have "goal gifts"? i.e. When you reach a certain goal, you have a gift/price/reward for yourself?
I'm thinking of making a list and could use some ideas! :) I know my ultimate goal I want to be: new clothes (bikini included) & a day-spa trip. But the inbetweens to keep me going, I'm not sure of.
And how many pounds lost for each goal? 5? 10? 15? or percentages?
It's all so much! Help me outtttttt!!
Nothing is wrong with you, we all think this way (at least I know I do), however losing weight takes time and a lot of effort. It's strange but sometimes I feel like I always think of myself a certain way, no mater what I weigh at the time. Motivation and making it fun are definitely ways that help me with my workouts. I like to challenge myself a lot, makes lists,and try new things. But at the end of the day, it's all about balance and being happy so don't make yourself miserable for missing a workout or splurging on something delicious- in time, you will find that balance and find that things will just come together! Keep up the great work!! See you in the states soon! (sorry for the long comment)
ReplyDeleteHi Love, I'm sad you think this way! I know we all do it and it's a growing problem these days. I was reading an article about how girls or in our case women, say at least 5 negatives things about themselves a day, whether it just be to ourselves or to others. It's a terrible thing. I find myself doing this but I've gotten better lately. Try to focus on the positive qualities you possess: you're BEAUTIFUL, SMART, funny, a joy to be around, and, I've seen it, you can keep yourself motivated to lose weight!! You're just under a lot of stress with the move and everything that's happened in the past year. Not to mention you're on a very tight budget down there. We can workout together when you get home and get ourselves healthy and fit!!! I love you!
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